It is not uncommon for the parents of a newborn baby to voice their inadequacies and ponder why such a priceless and vulnerable being would arrive without a comprehensive user manual. Unlike our situation of raising our son again, mothers and fathers have a wealth of resources at their disposal. Knowledgeable, experienced healthcare providers, YouTube videos, and a family network are available. These resources offer reassurance, assistance, and advice—a mere phone call away, offering comfort and support. In contrast, no two patients or brain injuries are the same. The effects of a brain injury are complex and dependent on initial circumstances, severity, and delay in medical care. There was and is no way to predict what, when, or how Matt’s various physical, intellectual, emotional, and social functions would respond to a brain reboot.

There was an unspoken commitment that Matt would not become a couch potato. To that end, he began to participate in more and more daily activities gradually. No matter how little he could do, we asked him to give it a try. In small portions, he participated in bathing, grooming, and dressing. Maybe he just held up his foot while we pulled on his pants, swished an electric toothbrush while we guided it around his mouth, held a knife while we cut his food, or lifted his bottom while we maneuvered absorbent pads underneath him for bedtime.

By evening, my Duracell battery charge was fading fast. Mike and I agreed to alternate nights helping Matt settle in, a routine that often became my undoing. Ideally, we should have had Matt ready for bed before his 10:00 p.m. TV show ended, and then simply tucked him into bed. However, the slow, physically taxing journey to his bedroom and bathroom, followed by a slow walk back to finish the show, wasn't feasible. He would have missed half of it. So, we waited, doing everything in one trip, often wrapping up near 10:30 p.m.—way past my bedtime and endurance. Observing my downcast shoulders and fogged-over eyes, Mike often graciously took my shift and shooed me off to the land of nod.

Safety was a huge concern as we navigated his walker through the various rooms, around furniture, through narrow doorways, and up three or four stairs. Matt kept us on our toes, often ignoring our predetermined course of action and our loud, step-by-step instructions barked in his ear, such as the importance of backing up before sitting down and taking steps one at a time. Instead, he improvised, causing us to scramble to adapt, uncertain of what to expect since he did it differently each time. Once he’d made up his mind, all bets were off. This independent spirit, though at times maddening, had carried Matt through the darkest days of his recovery, and we knew it was a vital part of who he was.

There was no shortage of activities to begin the process of reclaiming his life. His first week home, Matt filled his pill organizer – using his right hand to sneak in a bit of dexterity work – folded “a bit of” laundry, and helped assemble a plastic shelving unit. While I made dinner, I set him up at the kitchen counter with a cutting board to dice peppers and onions, crack eggs in a bowl, and grate zucchini for chocolate zucchini cupcakes with peanut butter 

Finally, let me leave you with one more apt comparison, using nature, that of a fruit tree. A peach tree takes years to grow tall, strong, fully mature, and capable of bearing fruit for a lifetime. Time and patience: the right amount of sun, rain, and human intervention, including pruning, fertilization, and protection from pests such as bugs and deer, and perseverance. That is our trajectory. I don’t wear patience well, so I give myself frequent pep talks and sometimes wave imaginary pompoms to bolster my motivation and resolve. Most definitely, prayer was my go-to elixir.

And so, as not to be a resounding gong as our story unfurls, please understand that the inconclusiveness of our situation will cast a black shadow for years before fading to gray. Even now, doubt and uncertainty continue to hover in our subconscious and resurface whenever a challenge seems insurmountable or risky. I stay grounded by reflecting on Matt’s many accomplishments, celebrating each step forward, and never forgetting to claim victory over what once seemed impossible.

© 2025, Sarah Watkins